“Pick me girl” – meaning, origin, and usage

The great thing about the slang phrase “pick me girl” is that it pretty much means what it says. But, this article is going to go into a lot more detail than that…

We will kick things off by explaining what the phrase means, before delving into how the slang phrase came to be a thing. Then we’ll explore usage of the term, including where you might expect to come across it, and how you might use it yourself.

Then, and perhaps more importantly however, we will also be discussing the criticism and controversy surrounding the term, which leads us nicely onto a discussion on the potential psychological impact when someone carelessly uses the phrase “pick me girl”.

So, without further ado, let’s get straight to it.

Understanding what is meant by the slang term “pick me girl”

Simply put, the slang phrase “pick me girl”, also known as “pickme girl”, “pickme”, or “pickme-girl”, is slang for a female who tries to attract attention and approval from men by standing out against other women.

A “pick me girl” may be characterised by particular behaviours. This may include for example, desperation for male attention, dismissing other women’s opinions, putting others down, and constantly seeking validation from potential male partners.

There are a variety of ways that a “pick me girl” may differentiate herself from other women by claiming to have interests and preferences that generally align more with males than females. For example in terms of interests, fashion, video games, music genres. They may even go so far as to talk down other girls and women by suggesting that they may be superficial, or too emotional, and so on.

What are the origins of the term “pick me girl”?

While the phrase “pick me girl” is relatively new, it has actually been around for a number of years at this point.

The term was first heard in the TV series Grey’s Anatomy back in 2005. There was a piece of dialogue between the characters Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey, played by Patrick Dempsey and Ellen Pompeo respectively. In this dialogue Meredith was begging Derek to choose her over his wife, and she used the line “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”

Shortly afterward, in 2006, the term began to appear on Twitter (now known as X) as a way to satirize women who positioned themselves as “wifey material”. People on Twitter started mocking women who bragged about being married and condemned singletons.

The expression “pick me girl” became more popular still in the year 2016, through use of the hashtag #TweetLikeAPickMe. In these tweets, people would mock those who described themselves as “wifey material” and those who sought to seem more unique than more traditional girls, in order to attract men.

For example, a “pick me girl” might brag about liking junk food and traditionally male sports in order to seem like a better match for a man. An exaggeration of the trope may feature a female stating that she is not like other girls who only eat salad because she loves pizza.

The trope gained further popularity in the year 2020, when it had progressed to the app Tiktok. In the years 2021 through to 2024, Tiktok videos with his hashtag had amassed over 5 billion views.

How, when and where people use the phrase “pick me girl”

Even though the hashtag #TweetLikeAPickMe came around in 2016, the phrase is still in a lot of use today, especially online and in social media apps in a variety of forms. You can also use the phrase in casual conversation or in discussions around literature and other media.

Due to its more recent relevance, it is most commonly used among generation Z, however, other generations may easily guess what is meant by the term “pick me girl” as it can be considered by many to be fairly self-explanatory.

Criticisms and controversy surrounding the term “pick me girl”

In discussion about the behaviour of “pick me girls”, Tara Suwinyattichaiporn Ph.D., who is a Professor of Relationships and Sexual Communication at the University of California, says that “Much of it has to do with insecurity, low self-esteem, and competition.”

Online discussion using the term “pick me girl” is feasibly the language of women policing other women, and this, it can be argued, is the most damaging form of misogyny because it is mostly internalised and self-directed. “Pick me girl” shaming, some say, shows a lack of introspection and self-awareness.

The potential psychosocial impact of the term “pick me girl”

When a “pick me girl” is being mocked when all she truly wants is validation, this may have a knock-on effect on her self-esteem. This is particularly problematic for teenage girls who may be struggling to find where they “fit in”. It can be compared with rubbing salt into an open wound.

Additionally, on the flip side, the term has also sparked conversation around toxic femininity, and issues surrounding conforming to certain standards and the dangers of perpetuating stereotypes.

In fact, these issues have led to an anti-pick-me trend on social media, as people seek to empower those who need social validation rather than social ridicule.

Final word

So to sum up, the slang phrase “pick me girl” is used to refer to a female who is saying that she’s not like other girls, so as to make herself sound more attractive to a male. The expression came to the fore thanks to the hashtag #TweetLikeAPickMe on Twitter in 2016, though the expression appears to date back to at least 2005, following dialogue on the hit TV show Greg’s Anatomy, when a female character begs a male character to choose her over his wife.

The expression is still used today, the hashtag having received over 5 billion views by the year 2024, albeit mostly online and on social media. However, the term is not without its criticism and controversy, which means that some people aim to discourage its usage in order to reduce the risk of any psychosocial impact that may occur.